As a new Catholic Christian in 2008, I began to go to daily Holy Mass, with my youngest (4 years old) son in tow. I knew I had personally encountered Jesus in the New Age temple (you can read that here) a couple years prior and He confirmed for me in a mystical and most profound way that it was truly Him that I was looking for.
So now, receiving the Holy Eucharist and kneeling next to my little boy, every single day - I gave Jesus my whole heart. I prayed for three things:
1- Give me Your wisdom, Lord. I quit high school in 10th grade, eventually got my GED and did sporadic classes in community colleges through the years, and even though I was street smart, I felt in comparison to others, quite stupid. I honestly thought that if I asked God for His wisdom, He could make me "smart."
2- Let me love every single person I encounter like You love them, Jesus. My heart was so full of woundedness and anger, hatred and judgement that it hurt for it to even beat in my chest. I wanted that pain to stop and I thought that if He infused His heart into mine, then mine would automatically feel better.
3- Make me Your Saint, Oh God! I had constantly felt shameful about who I was, what had happened to me, and what I had done to others. When coming into the Church I was asked to pick a patron saint; and it was then that I learned that a saint was someone who was extraordinarily good and lived a holy life. I really wanted God to turn my shameful, unholy life into something beautiful, not just to see, but most especially to feel and share.
Little did I know the connection between my "beginner" prayers and THE WAY OF THE CROSS until now. Because learning the way of the cross has truly helped me understand how God answers our prayers.
Jesus is our example. Everything He did was for me (and you). So that means that it is in being arrested, wrongfully accused, scourged and beaten, crowned with thorns, abandoned and mocked, and finally crucified that we eventually gain what we have asked God for.
The way of the cross = answered prayers.
And in my case --> wisdom, unconditional love and holiness and eventually eternity in His presence. Because what my earlier prayers have taught me is that through God answering them I am learning a faith like Job. That no matter what happens to me here in this world - GOD IS MY EVERYTHING!
There is no other way to the Resurrection except through the Last Supper, Passion, Crucifixion and Burial. That is where God answers our prayers - that is where we find eternal life with Him!
So Lord, I come to You yet again and I ask You to continue Your work in me...
Grant me Your WISDOM...
Give me Your HEART...
Make me Your SAINT.
Accompany me to Your Cross and
continue to give me the strength I need to endure it.
Catholic convert. Deacon's wife. Nana. Homeschoolers. Mama of 5. Advocate. Author. Speaker. Foodie. Apron wearer. (Oh I love aprons!) Don't judge.